Unicorns Speak Easy

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By - Monica

How To Keep Your Writing Functional And Fashionable

Fake pockets are the bane of my fashionable existence. Nothing’s worse than going to stash my bank card or chapstick, only to encounter resistance. No pocket for you! It’s a disappointment, to say the least. Words can scarcely describe the letdown. Don’t let this same thing happen in your writing! You should be aware of Fake Pocket Syndrome (FPS), to avoid irritating your readers and turning them off of your story.

Fake pockets promise, but don’t deliver. So your hero is a tough manly man who finds himself relying on the aid of a sultry vixen to accomplish his mission. The entire book is rife with sexual tension, but in the end, the two shake hands and part ways like old drinking buddies. I call FPS!


You can’t string a reader along like that and not follow through. I’m not saying you have to write a torrid bedroom scene in a creative way, but they had better at least kiss, or you need to at least allude to what we’re all expecting to happen. If your significant other spends an hour getting you worked up, then heads to the bedroom and … goes to SLEEP, you’d be pretty pissed, wouldn’t you?

Fake pockets have no function. Even their aesthetic function is questionable. If you’re going to do horrible things to the shape of my bum by slapping a set of flap pockets back there, there had better be some payoff—like a place to put my credit card and ID when I don’t want to carry a purse. If your book starts with a character going on for two paragraphs about what she ate the day before, there should be a good reason for that. And sorry, but “I thought it was funny” is not good enough. For example, maybe she’s a hypochondriac who woke up with a slight cough and is convinced that something she ate was tainted and has given her a horrible disease.

Well now, that could be an interesting introduction to your character when you’re writing your book. But if her eating habits have nothing to do with anything, why are you boring the rest of us by detailing them? Also, just because a passage “sounds nice” doesn’t make it relevant. Sometimes you gotta kill your darlings. It’s up to you, though, and if you can really justify something, keep it.

Fake pockets take time and energy to create. Having no pocket at all would be quicker, easier, and more cost-effective. And in the case of the awful flap pockets mentioned above, it would also be much more attractive. Save yourself and your editor some time and effort, and be aware of FPS from the beginning, and avoid it at all costs. The less junk you put in, the less you’ll have to cut out later on. As they say, Practice Makes Perfect…

So take a long hard look at your manuscript. Are you a victim of FPS? Fear not, with a few snipped stitches here and there, you’ll have those pockets functional in no time. It’s all about the fundamentals, isn’t it?