Are Teen Parents Smarter Than Bible Thumpers?

For the 2.5th (I decided to count the introduction, then decided it didn’t count, then realized a compromise could be made) part of my series, I am going to share an anecdote which unquestionably proves my theory that bloggers hate anything to do with breeding.

Now, to preface this, I spent a large part of my growing years in Surrey, B.C. I guess it’s like a Canadian Compton. This means it’s not really scary at all, but people in the nicer, more citified areas, need to make fun of a shitty suburban satellite so that they can feel all elite and superior.

Mmm, culture, the arts, goat cheese – who cares? Surrey has Ed Hardy hoodies, large groups of teenagers that hang out in front of the 7/11 or Mac’s, and teen pregnancy flagrantly displayed at transit depots.

This actually brings me to the point where I see the series expanding to 17 installments; what I have witnessed in Surrey regarding young people mating and breeding.

I will begin with a conversation I witnessed at Surrey Central. One main character is a young girl about 16 years old, give or take a year. She might have been 11 and just aged quickly due to her lifestyle choices. I don’t know.

She will be known as “Saw No Options After high school, So Got Herself Knocked Up for Welfare Purposes” from here on out. Or, SnowGupaw, a loose acronym. The other character is a woman in her early sixties zealously handing out religious pamphlets. She will be known as “Good luck” from here on out.

Good Luck: “Hello young lady, I would like to take a minute to talk with you about the Lord, if you have the time.” Smiles sweetly.

SnowGupaw: “WhaaaAAAAT the #$@%?” Her eyes roll around in her skull a little, magic eightballs looking for words.

Good Luck: “Well, I know a lot of young people today are losing their way. I’d like to discuss what that means to you, and what that means to the Lord.”

SnowGupaw: “Like, whaaaAATT the *%$# are you talking about lady?” She pushes her gut out to achieve balance, her baggy thong is riding halfway up her back. She is smoking, and has hard pieces of food stuck in her crooked teeth.

Good Luck: “Oh, you know, lives that are not pure, that are full of superficial greed in place of love for the Lord, and fornication, WORST of all.”

SnowGupaw pauses and seems to throw up in her own mouth for a minute. She gulps and then answers the lady.

“Oh, fornications, like, %$#!ing, right?  I love that $%#@. How you think I got my baby here?” she gestures toward the child in the stroller beside her with her hand holding the cigarette, a piece of ash falling lightly onto the baby’s blue blanket. “And if that’s the WORST thing I did, then what the #$@! was smoking crack and cheating on his Dad when I was 8 months?”

That about sums up the conversation, or at least up until the point where I couldn’t fathom how this 17 year old crackhead managed to somehow outsmart this woman. I bleeped out the profanity in case you would like to show this to your children.

Please come back for the next installment!

Close Menu